Modern Day Chastity Belt - GPS Lingerie

Feminists around the world have reacted with horror to a new line of lingerie that comes equipped with a GPS tracking system.
The ‘find me if you can’ range of underwear has been described as a modern-day, high-tech chastity belt.
‘It is outrageous to think that men can buy this, programme it and give it to their partners and then monitor them,’ said Claudia Burghart, leader of a Berlin feminist group.
‘It is nothing more than a chastity belt for insecure men.’
Lingerie maker Lucia Lorio of Brazil says her design targets the ‘modern, techno-savvy woman’.
The lingerie combination set consists of lace bodice, bikini bottom and faux pearl collar, with the GPS device nestled in the see-through part of the bodice next to the waist.
‘This collection… is a wink to women and a challenge to men because, even if she gives him the password to her GPS, she can always turn it off,’ Lorio said.
‘It’s not a modern chastity belt. Some men think they can keep tabs on their girlfriends with it, but they’re wrong,’ she added.
Unconcerned with the controversy her collection has raised, Lorio is also dismissive of the global financial crisis and its adverse impact on luxury items sales.
The GPS lingerie sells from a cool £500, complete with a standard Global Positioning System, to £700 with a more advanced model.
‘Some women are now interested in buying it for protection,’ she said, programming it for partners themselves so they are safe on a night out alone.
‘In London, New York, Rio de Janiero - wherever there is danger, the underwear may prove to be a lifesaver,’ she added.
But feminists in her homeland have called her a modern-day slaver and urged women to boycott the GPS underwear.

Motorists On All Fours To Collect From Britain's Smallest Ticket Machine.

Motorists are having to get down on all fours to collect tickets from Britain's smallest car park ticket machine.

The machine, which is 3ft tall, dispenses the pay-and-display tickets only 18 inches above the ground at the short-stay car park in Sheringham, Norfolk.
Installed by North Norfolk Council, the machine is designed to ensure wheelchair users can access it easily.
Dr Gerry, Bedford, a retired chemist, 62, questioned the device after seeing it when on holiday with his wife.
"I thought it was a joke when I first saw it. The size of it is just ridiculous for anyone of average height.
"I am 6ft 5 ins tall and I had to get down on my knees to use it. I found the whole experience completely bizarre."
He added: "It is all very well having it low enough for wheelchair users - but it even looks too low for them to use safely.
Pat Harvey, chairman of the Norfolk Association for the Disabled, said: "This machine sounds so low that it could actually be unsafe for wheelchair users.
"If people have to bend down in their chairs to get a ticket out, then they could fall out and injure themselves. It seems rather silly."
North Norfolk Council spokesman Nick Manthorpe said: "We only had the choice of two plinths from the machines' manufacturer - a tall one, or one that was supposedly suitable for wheelchair users."
He explained that other car parks have the machines set on raised kerbs, so they are slightly higher, but this one is lower because it sits on the ground.
"The machine does look a bit absurd, admittedly, and it is one of the problems we're intending to solve later this year with a programme of replacing all our car parking ticket machines," he added.

Here Are 12 Of The Finest Double-Entendres That Were Aired On British TV & Radio.

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday."

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

Drunk Driver Rang Police.

A drunk driver was arrested in Germany after he accidentally rang the police instead of a breakdown service when he had a flat tyre.
Before he realised who he was speaking to, the 31-year-old let it slip that he had no licence and was driving under the influence.
The civil servant, who lost his licence eight years ago, had a blow out in the western town of Monheim while driving a car borrowed from a friend.
He had a blood alcohol level that was seven times the legal limit, and when he tried to call the German equivalent of the AA he became confused and dialled the emergency number for the police.
The drunken man phoned and said: "My car is broken and I need you to come and fix it. You better be quick because I'm really pretty drunk and I don't have a licence so it wouldn't be good if the cops drove past."
A Monheim police spokesman said: "He wanted us to come quickly, so we did.

He Should Have Worn Swim Shorts.

A man got a nasty surprise when he tried to get out of his deckchair and found his testicals had become stuck between two slats of wood.
Mario Visnjic had been swimming naked off Valalta beach in Croatia and his testicles had shrunk in the cool sea.
When he sat down they slipped through the slats and then, as he lay in the sun, expanded back to normal size.
He was freed after he called beach maintenance services on his mobile phone and they sent a member of staff to cut the deckchair in half.

So the next time you go swimming remember to wear your swim shorts.

Buzzing Undies Make Shopper Faint.

A woman collapsed in a supermarket when her vibrating panties made her faint with pleasure. The kinky, 33 year-old housewife was wearing a pair of battery operated passion pants, bought from a sex shop, while she did her shopping, according to the British tab The Sun. But she got so stimulated by the 6 cm vibrating bullet in the panties that she lost consciousness. She fell and hit her head in the crowded supermarket in Swansea, Wales.
When paramedics arrived, they found her black imitation leather knickers still buzzing. They took them off before an ambulance took her to the hospital. The woman, whose identity has been kept private, suffered no long lasting effects. As she left the hospital, a paramedic gave her back her passion pants in a plastic bag.
A spokesman for the supermarket chain told Sun, “We like to think shopping with us is exciting enough already.”

It Should Not Happen To A Vet.

Could this be a new environment friendly energy source? Imagine rows of cows with pipes coming from their rear-ends attached to the mains gas supply.

A Dutch veterinarian was fined 600 guilders (about $240)for causing a fire that destroyed a farm in Lichten Vourde, the Netherlands.
The vet had been trying to convince a farmer that his cow was passing flatulent gas; to demonstrate, the vet ignited the gas, but the cow became a "four-legged flame-thrower" and ran wild, setting fire to bales of hay. Damage to the farm was assessed at $80,000.
The cow was unharmed.